Ms. Lucy and the Monster Mattress -or – Whoa We made a BIG Mistake

When we purchased Ms. Lucy she had no “bed”. There is a platform with storage underneath, where a mattress should go.  We have been using inflatable air mattresses from Sam’s Club for the last 5 months. We have gone through 3 of them. They are cheap, made in <insert your lucky guess here> and last about 6 weeks before the seams explode or they will no longer stay inflated.

So when the last one went to sleep heaven we decided to upgrade. We looked at memory foam mattresses. The most suitable one for us was about $350.00. NOT currently in the budget (or the bank).

So on to plan B – A “higher” quality air mattress. After looking at a zillion reviews we decided on a Wenzel Insta-Bed Queen Raised Sure Grip Bottom with Built-in Pump. We ordered it from Amazon and it came promptly, under $100 with free shipping. Great, right? Well…



The Pros:

It IS extremely comfortable, a lot more comfortable than the $29 Sam’s Club 5 week “specials”.  It seems to have side walls that blow up independently. So you kinda have a little “wall” around the bed. It feels like it is very well made.

The Con’s:

It seems to have side walls that blow up independently. So you kinda have a little “wall” around the bed. You do have a tendency to roll (meet in) to the middle. Not real bad, and additional inflation might reduce that tendency. AND NOW for the “BIG ONE”. HEIGHT!!! We failed to take into account the height of the this mattress when added to the height of the existing built in storage platform. Together they provide a horizontal surface which is better than 36 INCHES off the floor. The entire room is gone. Try getting on something that squishy that is 36 inches off of the floor. It ain’t easy.

After considering catapults and pole vaulting, we worked out a system. You hop/scoot/jump your butt over the edge of the mattress and reverse inchworm yourself across the top. Then you perform seizure like rolls and flops as you pull back the sheets and covers that you a laying on. It reminds me of an old 3 Stooges episode I saw decades ago where Curly got the top bunk. The reverse is performed in the morning (or in the event  nature calls during the night) except for the dismount, which is kind of like those platforms they use to train paratroopers to hit the ground. Talk about Fiscal..err… Physical Cliff!

Add to all this the fact that Snoopy (the Chihuahua) is no longer able to enter and exit the bed at will. I doubt he can ever see the floor from up there.


The Solution:

We are going to order a Wenzel mattress WITHOUT “the platform” this week and return to earth. Then sell the one we are using now on Craigslist recouping (hopefully) the majority of the cost. It IS a comfortable bed, but one that is designed to be placed on the floor. This is a very comfortable bed, BUT IT WAS DESIGNED TO BE PLACED ON THE FLOOR!!!

So let this be a lesson for all you kiddies out there. We live in a 3 dimensional world and HEIGHT DOES MATTER.


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